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Lost in the confusion of my mind.
Looking for a way out. Held captive by my own fears and insecurities
Caught up in my emotions of love & lust, joy & pain. Crying myself to sleep night after night. Trying to be quiet with my tears so that I don’t wake them. Heaven forbid anyone know that I’m in pain. I’m afraid. Afraid to take off my mask because of the judgment that lies ahead. I stay here out of fear
Fear of judgement, fear of ridicule
But most of all, fear of abandonment. My greatest fear is that I won’t be loved. That I’m too damaged for anyone to care for me. Or even if they do care after a while it begins to be too much. They don’t cease caring. Never that. It’s just too hard and who could blame them if I could escape I would. Their words are on constant repeat in my mind and the player seems to have an endless battery life. Words of affirmation? I wish. Words that solidify the thoughts that have been swarming in my head on their own without the added validation of others. People are constantly seeking validation from others well I received mine and I wish I hadn’t. The Bible says the tongue is a very powerful instrument and I don’t believe any truer words were ever said. Words have the power to build up or tear down. Combine words that are used to tear down with someone who is going to war with their mind and what do you get? Someone who is severely damaged!